Silence
by MacGateFan
Summary: Sheppard loses his hearing after an attack by the Wraith. Will he be able to deal with it, or will it cause him to go insane? SW Friendship.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Silence  
Rating: PG-13 (language)  
Author: Mac  
Disclaimers: All characters from Stargate Atlantis are property of MGM Studios and the Sci-Fi Channel.  
Note from the author: I promise that I'm still working on the Grudge. I've just been really busy with things, but I'm getting back in the groove. I figured I would go ahead and post what I have of this so far.

* * *

There are things in life that I can do without. The Wraith are currently at the top of my list. Oh, and the Wraith popping out of nowhere whenever my team happens to be on a mission. A quick glance behind me shows them gaining on us. "Ford, dial the gate **NOW**!" 

Ford quickly dials the coordinates for Atlantis. It's times like these when I wish we had taken one of the jumpers. However, with this particular culture's rate of development, it wouldn't have been a great idea. According to McKay...

I heard Elizabeth's voice filter through my earpiece. "We're coming in hot!" I exclaimed. "There are about five Wraith behind us!"

"Understood, Major!"

I watched as my team jump into the wormhole. As I was about to step through, something loud and big hit me, propelling me through. My last thought as I demolecularized (McKay word) was how that hurt like hell.

Things were a bit blurry when I woke up on the floor of Atlantis. Dr. Beckett and his team had since swarmed around me. I think he was calling my name, but I couldn't be sure. All I could hear and feel was the incessant pounding in my skull.

I looked up at Elizabeth to see a worried expression on her face. I couldn't even say anything to her as I slowly lost consciousness again.

When I woke up again, I noticed that it was eerily quiet. I didn't hear the beeping of any medical machines and when Dr. Beckett walked over to me, I couldn't hear him. What the hell? "I CAN'T HEAR YOU, DOC!" I shouted, at least, I thought I shouted. This can't be good.

Dr. Beckett's eyes widened. I grabbed his arm and gave him a look. He patted my arm and walked over to his desk. He typed something on his laptop, then handed it to me._ I'm afraid your head injury is much worse than I had anticipated. There's swelling around the cortex controlling the center for hearing. It's causing your temporary deafness._

"DEAFNESS!"

He smiled slightly and typed more on his laptop. _There's no need to shout, Major. Just type here, it'll be easier for everyone. Your deafness is only temporary. Remember that. As soon as the swelling goes down, you should be fine._

I sighed. _How long?_

_It's difficult to say. This varies from patient to patient. A week, 10 days. Just don't worry about it too much._

I nodded, but inside, I just wanted to tear the infirmary apart. Don't worry about it too much? What the hell kind of plan is that? I can't hear shit! I feel so isolated from everything. I hope he's right. I hope it's temporary because I don't know what I'm going to do if something happens and I'm stuck like this forever.

Dr. Beckett smiles at me once again, leaving the laptop on the tray table next to me. The silence is deafening, if you'll pardon the expression. It's too quiet. I'm going to go crazy, I just know it! Suddenly McKay's face is looming in front of me and I just want to smack him.

He grabbed the laptop and began typing furiously. _I am so sorry about that!_

_No you aren't. You thought that was funny._

_All right, I did, but I'm still sorry._

_Okay, you can go now._ I held onto the laptop so Rodney couldn't respond. When I noticed he wasn't going to give up, I leaned back and shut my eyes. However, that was more unsettling than just sitting with my eyes open!

When Rodney grabbed my arm, I jumped. My heart was pounding. I was sure everyone could hear it. God, I don't think I'll be taking a nap anytime soon.

"You okay?" he mouthed.

I glared at him and nodded, pointing to the door. I really wasn't in the mood to deal with anyone at this point. I just wanted my ears to pop or something so I could hear things.

As soon as Rodney left, I felt the tears burning in my eyes. Damn it! After all this shit, I have to cry to! I just need to take a few deep breaths and calm down. Everything will sort itself out.


	2. Chapter 2

Silence  
Author: Mac  
Rating: PG  
Disclaimers in Part 1

* * *

I sat up in my bed, breathing heavily. Not being able to hear anything was really playing with my nerves. Normally, when I couldn't sleep, I'd go out on the balcony and listen to the waves. 

I could feel tears forming in my eyes, but made certain they'd stay there. I glanced over at my clothes. I so needed to get out of that room. I considered trying to persuade Elizabeth to let me take the Jumper, but didn't want to wake her up just for that.

I headed over to command to see Elizabeth was in a briefing with my team as well as Lieutenant Reed. Curiosity got the better of me and knocked on the door. Everyone looked up at.

"What's going on?" It was odd not being able to hear your own voice.

Elizabeth shook her head and mouthed, "Not this time, John."

I closed his eyes and sighed. I know I'd be a huge handicap to my team, but I could also help them up by discussing a plan of action for whatever they were about to do.

Besides, as much as I liked Lieutenant Reed, I just wasn't comfortable with entrusting my team's lives with someone they didn't know all that well. I glanced over at Ford.

Aiden gave me a sympathetic look and I nodded. He would tell me what was going on before they left.

I nod at Elizabeth and leave the room. This had to be the most frustrating situation I have ever been thrown in. Okay, Atlantis being taken over by the Genii was a close second. I head down the stairs towards the Gate and turn left. I needed a good workout session.

Ford found me exactly where he knew I'd be. He got my attention. I nodded, grabbed my towel and followed him out of the gym. I noticed that he had a laptop in his hands. He set it down on a table when we arrived at our destination: the mess hall.

Ford had taken some accurate notes, I see. I smirked at his smart ass comments about McKay. It looks like the MALP indicated some minerals that may help our vegetables grow faster as well as technological readings that were emanating from the planet. McKay thinks it could be a ZPM.

"Thanks," I said. At least, I think I did. I can't hear myself at all. However, at Ford's nod I realize that he understood me.

He took the laptop from me and began to type: _You should visit the mainland. Might as well take some time to relax. We'll muddle through this mission somehow._

I thought on it a bit. I wonder if Dr. Beckett would even let me. I guess it couldn't hurt to ask...

_As long as someone goes with you, I don't see a problem._

I sigh. Who is going to want to babysit me on the mainland. I think Dr. Beckett could sense my quandary.

_Why don't you see if Dr Weir will join you? She is overdue for a vacation as well._

I stare at him, sarcasm evident on my face. I reply, Dr Weir has a team leaving with the possibility of finding a ZPM. She's not just going to leave for a trip to the mainland.

_You underestimate me, son._

I could feel Elizabeth's gaze on me as I flew the Jumper. "What?" I asked, looking over at her.

She just shrugs and smiles. How Dr. Beckett convinced her to come with me is a mystery. I idly wonder why she didn't send someone else with me. Especially with three teams off world.

As soon as I land the Jumper, I can see Halling, Jinto, and a few other Athosians heading in our direction. I wonder what they're going to think of my current state. Elizabeth stilled my hands for a minute and I looked up at her.

She began signing to me. She must have read my file, but I had no idea she could sign. I don't remember reading that in hers. John. You can understand me, right?

Yes. Why didn't you tell me you could do that?

I didn't know you could. Dr. Beckett told me before we left. That's why I came. As far as we both know, you and I are the only ones who know sign language.

I smile. That answers that question. Thanks. We better greet the... How do you sign Athosians? ...A-T-H-O-S-I-A-N-S.

Elizabeth laughed. I was sad that I missed hearing that. We'll need to come up with signs for our new terms.

I powered down the Jumper and followed her out to meet Halling. He began speaking to us the minute we stepped out. Of course, I had no clue what he was saying. Sometimes this makes me want to scream!

Elizabeth began signing again. Major Sheppard had an accident and has lost his hearing temporarily. I am using sign language to communicate with him.

Halling nodded and spoke again. Not to undermine the authority of Dr. Beckett, but we have healers who can help if you're interested... John?

I guess it couldn't hurt. All right, let's meet the healers.


	3. Chapter 3

Silence  
Part 3  
Author MacGateFan  
Disclaimers in Part 1

* * *

There were two healers. A man and woman. Amon and Amir. Sounded middle eastern. They pointed Elizabeth and I to a chair and we sat down. Amir began to speak. I can sense great frustrations within you, Major. You need to get past all that for this to work. 

Elizabeth watched as I signed. "He wants to know how he's supposed to do that."

Amon smiled. "He needs to close his eyes and meditate on his situation. He needs to realize that he's not alone even in the silence."

She signed what Amon said. Do you think you can do this?

I hate to admit that I haven't been sleeping because it's too disconcerting.

Don't worry. As Amon said, you are not alone, John.

Elizabeth… I watched as she waited expectedly for me to continue. I didn't really know what to say to her. I had waited my whole life for someone to tell me I wasn't alone and now someone was. It was a great feeling, but also a little scary. Thanks. I think I'm ready now.

She glanced over at the couple and listened to their explanation. Amir wants you to relax and take deep breaths. Close your eyes only when you're ready. After that, just remember that no one is leaving you alone.

Got it.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. It was unsettling at first. I wanted to reach out for Elizabeth, but I knew I had to do this on my own. Suddenly I was standing in front of my parent's house.

I recognized what day it was. That was one day I could live without!

_"HAHA!" The children continued to laugh in my face (my 9 year old face, that is). "Sneak up on him, Mikey! Scare the crap out of him!"_

_Mikey obliged and I jumped up in fright. I could see my eyes were wide with fear. My hearing didn't fully developed until I was 12. The doctor's never really knew why. I could see my hearing aide lying 10 feet away..._

_"That's enough!"_

_The children had stopped laughing. There she was. Just like the last time I saw her. They ran off and she knelt beside me, handing the aide to me. After I had adjusted it, I glared at her._

_"Why did you do that, Jillian? It's bad enough they pick on me for this! Now they're gonna think I need a girl to fight my battles!"_

_"John, I'm sorry, but…"_

_"No! Shut up! I never want to talk to you again!"_

_I watched as I ran into the house. I stared at my older sister. I walked closer to her and saw the expression in her eyes. She was lost, confused. "Jillian," I whispered. She looked up into the sky. Could she hear me?_

_"Mom, I can't do this anymore. Dad is always away on business and John is getting too headstrong. I'm trying. I am, but I need to start my own life and I can't do that with these two pulling me down. Please help me!"_

_This was not what I was expecting. I mean, I knew Jillian left, but I never knew why. No one ever told me she felt overwhelmed. All my Dad said was that I was an evil child. That I drove her away._

_Why am I here? Am I supposed to resolve this? How can I? I'm nowhere near Earth. Even if I was, why would Jillian want to hear from me now, after all these years?_

_She turned to face me and smiled. "John."_

_I was shocked, to say the least. "Wait. How is this possible?"_

_"I am just your conscious. John, you have to forgive your sister before you can regain your hearing."_

_"Of course I forgive her. I understand what she was trying to do now. What she had to face. Unfortunately, I can't speak to her at the moment and you should know that. Can you help me? Is there anyway...?"_

_My conscience nodded. "There is and the Athosians know how. You must ask them for their help and in two days time, your hearing will return."_

_"This is almost the craziest thing I've heard, but I'm in a whole other galaxy so I've been around the block a few times. How do I get... back?"_

_"Think of Elizabeth. She's right behind you. Just look."_

I woke up from my meditation to see Elizabeth's eyes staring at me in concern. Are you all right?

I think so. I need some time to sort things out, but I also need more help from Amon and Amir.

I know, John, I was there with you. I saw everything.

I swallowed around the lump in my throat. So you know what I have to do?

Yes. I want to help you get through this.

Thanks.

The Athosians set me up in a Dream Hut. It reminded me of the Navajo hogans. I had a friend who was Navajo. He told me of the religious uses of a hogan and how they used sand paintings and chants to heal their sick.

I looked over at Elizabeth as she began translating for Amon again. They want you to remove your socks, shoes, and shirt and step into the hut. Sit down in the center of the circle and close your eyes. I won't be able to come inside, but I will be sitting right across from you out here.

I nodded slowly and she gave me a reassuring smile. I removed the articles of clothing as requested and entered the hut. There was a sweet, sticky smell inside of it. Almost honey-like. Honey. That's something I missed from home.

Snap out of it, John!

I shook my head, sat down and closed my eyes. I immediately felt dizzy and had the sensation that I was flying. A few minutes later, I felt solid ground under my feet. When I opened my eyes, I was not in the Dream Hut.

In fact, it looked very much like my hometown.

_Before I could take a step, someone barreled into me. I look down to see a young boy, about six. "I'm sorry," he said._

_I knelt down in front of him. "It's all right. Where's your Mom?"_

_He pointed towards the benches. "She's over there," he said, pulling me to her. "You should meet her. She's nice!"_

_I was going to tell him never mind, but when the woman looked up from the book she was reading, I recognized the face immediately. "John, where have you been?"_

_"Jillian?"_

_For the first time, she noticed me. She had called the little boy John. However, now I had her attention and she stood up and walked over to me. "Oh my God! John, is that really you?"_

_The boy yanked on Jillian's shirt. "Hey! That's my name, Mommy!"_

_"I know, sweetheart. This is your uncle. You're named after him."_

_He beamed and held his hands out for me to pick him up. "Uncle John!"_

_"I've missed you," she said as I picked up John. "I've been trying to locate you for some time, but all I keep getting are dead ends. They said you were on a classified mission."_

_"I still am, Jillian. I don't know if I'll ever be able to come back home, but if I do..."_

_"If you do, I'll be here. You can meet your niece as well. She's at school right now. John and I are waiting for her bus to arrive." She paused. "I am so sorry about what happened between us. I'm so sorry I left alone with him."_

_"The reason I survived was because of you."_

_"How is that possible?"_

_"You're all I've thought about. You're the only part of Mom that I have left. I love you, Jillian."_

_"I love you too, John."_

_I smiled at her and my nephew. "John, I have to go now," I told him as I set him down._

_"Will you come back to see us, Uncle John?"_

_"I will try my hardest."_

I felt myself floating again and the dizziness returned. Suddenly, there was a cool wetness on my face. I opened my eyes to see Elizabeth next to me, her back turned and reaching for something. I heard the dripping of water...

Wait. Heard?

"Elizabeth."

She smiled. "John!"

"I can hear you. How long was out of it?"

"Almost 10 hours. I was about to send for Dr. Beckett, but Amir assured me you were fine. It seems he was right."

She helped me to sit up and I noticed that we weren't in the Dream Hut anymore. "Where are we?"

"Amon and Amir's home. They said that an hour after the ceremony, you were to be taken to the closest relative you had. Since that wasn't possible, they allowed you to come here and insisted I stay as well."

I took a deep breath and I could tell she was hesitant to ask me. I grinned at her. "It felt so real, Elizabeth. I got to talk to her. I even got to meet my little nephew. If we ever gain access to Earth again, I need to find her. I don't know if any of it's true, but I need to know she's still out there."

She smiled. "I understand completely, John," Elizabeth replied, handing me a glass of water. "But first, Amon and Amir would like you to take a nap before we head back to Atlantis. The powder they used to put you to sleep was pretty powerful."

I yawned. "Good idea."

Maybe for a couple hours, at least, the nightmares could go away.


End file.
